I'm Struggling to Overcome Student Debt

Kelsey Garcia is the associate content director of PS Balance. For PS's Radical Honesty issue, she discusses the reality of struggling with student loan debt. Read more radically honest stories here.

I often think about what I could do with an extra $863.27 a month. I'd finally get around to replacing the brake pads on my car, no problem. It could pay for a good deal of that flight to Japan, which is at the top of my travel wish list. I could have a second apartment somewhere — not in Los Angeles, where I currently live, but somewhere, surely. I could save it for a rainy day.

I think about $863.27 a lot because that's what goes toward my student loan debt each and every month. I've been paying that for years, and many years lie ahead.

I graduated with a bachelor's degree from New York University in 2015. As it stands, I have $74,236 remaining in private loans and $21,525 in federal loans. (I haven't qualified for any of the recent student loan forgiveness, although my federal payments were paused during the height of the pandemic.) I'm used to the astonishment and horror that washes over people's faces when I tell them about my student debt. I often explain that the number is so high, it feels abstract, and that helps me cope, I guess.

Now, please spare me your lectures on personal responsibility and how I did this to myself. Yes, I know I willingly prioritized the higher education of my choosing over future financial stability. I could have gone to a more affordable college, and I didn't. And truthfully, I have few regrets: I had incredible journalism classes, made lifelong friendships, and landed valuable internships throughout college, which helped me jump-start my career.

Nearly a decade after graduating, however, I do find myself resenting the financial flexibility of my peers who didn't have to take out any loans. I can't as easily say yes to things: the dinners and the destination weddings and the concerts. My husband and I are hoping to start a family soon, and my student loan debt has been a real consideration as we assess our finances and prepare accordingly. Had I been able to pocket $863.27 each month all these years, who knows, we might have already had our kid by now.

I don't write this to seek pity. Everyone has their own financial shit happening, and I'm thankful that I'm able to even pay off these loans — albeit at a painful pace — but it doesn't feel fair that the education I sought at 18 came with such a high price tag in the first place. It's not fair for me, and it's not fair for anyone.

To that point, I know my situation is not unique. In fact, I wish more people spoke publicly about the realities of student loan debt, which can be isolating and shameful. With greater public dialogue, we might be able to influence more comprehensive debt forgiveness, or, at least, share strategies for tackling the debt with one another.

In the meantime, however, that trip to Japan will just have to wait. A lot of things will.

Jump back to the Radically Honest issue.

Kelsey Garcia is the associate content director of PS Balance, where she oversees lifestyle coverage, from dating to parenting and financial wellness. Kelsey is passionate about travel, skin-care trends, and changes in the social media landscape. Before joining the PS team more than eight years ago as an editorial assistant, she interned at Elle and Harper's Bazaar, among other publications.